Why I must make it...

"Why am I gonna make it? Because I have to. Because I don't know any other way."

 I wrote this as a status on my facebook page a couple months back, and then replaced it as usual when another assertive, motivating thought came along. But very recently, while browsing the facebook pages of old friends, I saw that one of my high school friends had put the exact quote as a post on his wall. At first glance I thought to myself, "Wow that phrase is so familiar... Where do I know it from?"

When I realized I had written those words, a grin from ear to ear was on my face. The feeling of absolute E L A T I O N   doesn't even begin to describe how I felt from knowing that someone else actually liked what I wrote, exactly how I wrote it. Then, being the overanalytical pessimist that I am, searched for that phrase on Google, assuming that maybe I had seen it somewhere, and simply kept it in my memory without knowledge of where it came from. But no. No matches. And I looked for a while.

After jumping around my apartment making rather odd noises resembling giggling or perhaps squeeling, I sat back down at my desk and read the phrase again. And I began to think about my state of mind when I wrote it. "Why must I make it?..." And this is what I came up with. (For now)

Ever since I was a small child I was told I had great potential. And I know parents and teachers say that to young people to fill them with courage, and hope for the future. But I was told I had potential because I really did. At the age of eight, I was granted one of the highest awards for advanced literacy in the county where I resided. When I was about eleven, and moved to a different state, again I was awarded certificates for outstanding acheivement in the area of english/literature. My fifth grade english teacher would even let me skip some assignments and let me work on my freelance writing. She would say she wanted me to get "my creative juices flowing" because one day I was going to write a great novel.

In high school I started slacking, and hung around with a rough crowd. Being an astounding writer was no longer my focus, and my grades suffered. I began taking all easy classes, and dropped out of classes that were not necessary to graduate, (physics, chemistry, etc.) and just couldn't wait to get out. The only class I still enjoyed was Cosmetology, which was an optional class but I liked it because I could goof off. Our teacher though, was a retired man of the US military, and he would not allow goofing off. He was the most strict man I had ever met, and had so much knowledge about the world, it seemed to come out of his ears.

"Ingrid," he would tell me, "You have so much potential, I don't understand why you don't work harder. You slack off majorily, and still get a B or higher on your tests. If you would put an ounce of effort you could to great things." So I listened, a little. And joined a program called Skills USA, which helped students excel in the occupational work area. I didn't really like doing hair, so I entered Public Speaking contests instead. I won first place in all. My medals hung proudly in my room as proof that I can do great things with my ability to express myself.

But shortly after that, I lost my way again. And bad decision after bad decision led me to dropping out of school 2 months before graduation with a six month old baby as my son.

Why must I make it?

Because I have a young son who needs me to use my full potential.

Why must I make it?

Because I will be a good person for the well-being of my son.

Because I have to. Because I don't know any other way.